Technically, the title should say “Quotes About Dogs” since we can’t directly quote our dogs — even though we can often tell what they are thinking! There is nothing better than a pithy quote on one of our most beloved topics: dogs. Here are a few of our favorites.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”
— Groucho Marx
“Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.”
— Steve Bluestone
“If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”
— Will Rogers
“Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.”
— Author unknown
“In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.”
— Edward Hoagland
“I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!”
— Jonah Goldberg
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around — that’s their job!”
—-George Carlin
“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.”
— Harry Truman
“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.”
— Marilyn Monroe
“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.”
— Derek Bruce
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
— Ann Landers
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.”
— Phil Pastoret
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.”
— Bernard Williams
“My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!”
—Greg Curtis
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”
— Dave Barry
“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.”
— Christopher Morley
“The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.”
— Mark Twain
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like, never washed a dog.”
— Franklin P. Jones
“Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!”
— Anne Tyler
“A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”
— Helen Thomson
“I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.”
— Bonnie Schacter
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
— Sue Murphy
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well, almost.”
— Charlotte Gray
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted.”
— Sian Ford
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
— Andy Rooney
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”
— John Grogan
“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.”
— Aldous Huxley
“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”
— Rita Rudner
“When an 85 pound mammal licks your tears away, and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”
— Kristan Higgins
